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Friday, April 27, 2012

"It Could Have Happened Like This…": The Cabin in the Woods Edition

Confession: I LOVE the movie Clue' so much so, that I could probably recited the entire movie start to finish just off the top of my head. I'll refrain from actually demonstrating that at the moment, but just know that I could.

One of my favorite things about the m movie is the ending, or rather endings. If you are familiar with the movie, as you should be, you know exactly what I am talking about. The movie actually has THREE endings, and in between the endings are silent movie style cards which proclaim: "It could have happened like this…", "Or like this…", "But here's what really happened…". It's a pretty brilliant twist.

Every so often, I will be watching a tv show or movie and have what I refer to as an "It could have happened like this…" moment. Basically it is what I call the moment where I suddenly see another way the could have gone with the script that still would have made complete sense. Now that's not to say that the ending/course that the writers took was bad, on the contrary, some times the actual end/storyline is equally, if not more awesome, I just sometimes see an alternate.

I've decided to start writing these ideas down in segment which I am calling "It Could Have Happened Like This…". First up I'm tackling The Cabin in the Woods. First off, I want to state that I LOVED this movie, this is in no way a criticism of the film and it's actual ending, it's just an alternate path.


So we pick up in the chamber, with "The Director" explaining the archetypes to Marty and Dana, and Dana being confused about being "The Virgin". Follow through to her holding the gun on Marty, going into what I now lovingly refer to as "The Buffy/Angel moment", and him watching the werewolf creeping up behind her, and attacking her. Once again, Marty and The Director get into a scuffle for the gun. Pretty much everything can play out just as original movie, until we join Marty and Dana on the stairs sharing the joint.

Dana apologizes for almost shooting Marty, and Marty apologizes for letting her get attacked by the werewolf, and here's where things get different. What if we revealed that "The Powers That Be" at the facility made a mistake? Well, I suppose it would have to be another mistake, as lets face it there were several screw ups, but go with me on this, Dana isn't "The Virgin", it's Marty.

It certainly explains how he survived the zombie attack, he couldn't die then, he had to die last. Dana was "The Fool" all along, probably for having had an affair with her professor, because I'm still not really clear on why that detail was included, and that would have been an awesome reason for it. Thus the world is saved. Granted, Marty and Dana are still more or less fucked, as they are still trapped in the facility with an army of nightmares running amok, but that is hardly the point.

 There you have it. My alternate ending to The Cabin in the Woods.


  1. Interesting theory! I also raised my eyebrows during the scene with Dana being the virgin "Me? Virgin?"

  2. It would be great if Sam and Dean Winchester showed up and started killing all the monsters...

  3. Brilliant. This is how it should have been.

  4. This is the EXACT thing ..I thought WOULD happen, and should have happened! I fully expected Dana to say.. "You know the funny thing is.. I'm NOT a virgin..." And she had been SO ready to kill Marty, a few minutes before.. And with a dawning realization, Marty would have said.. "but.. I ...AM..."... As he picks up the gun, and turns it on her... Would have been the PERFECT ending. Furthermore,, When the slut teases Marty and says they used to be an item, he clarified, "They made out ONCE".. That WAS all... And we KNOW she had had an affair with her Prof... I really THOUGHT this is where the movie was heading...